It was 2003, July I think. I’d left the office late the night before and was there early the next morning. I had two grants that were due that week, a report to prepare for the board, letters to write to solicit donations for our annual fundraiser--a site visit that afternoon (and hopefully put down the deposit for the venue for that fundraiser), to follow up on a fundraising idea from a board member, and a meeting to prep for with a collaborator. My staff member wanted to “talk to me” about something. Oh yeah, and I needed to speak with our accountant about setting up better internal controls for our accounting system we’d been dinged on during our last audit.

Where do I start?

In the scheme of things, it was all important. It all had to be done. And I had to do it all. I was the Executive Director.

 I stood up to go get me a cup of coffee and the next thing I knew Joyce, my office manager was standing over me shaking me calling out my name. I had passed out. Couldn’t tell you how long I’d been laying out on the floor of my office. But, as I groggily made it to my chair, one thing was clear, this madness had to stop.

It was my first role as an Executive Director, my dream job--with my dream organization, Girls Inc. of Los Angeles. And I spent more than a few long nights and early mornings at the office trying to get it all done. My boys had spent many hours sleeping on the couch in the waiting area while I wrapped up one more thing. We wouldn’t get home sometimes ‘til 8:00 or 9:00 pm.

I thought I was doing a good job. I had secured multiple grants and gifts, and was on the verge of getting the organization in the black with a huge grant from American Express that I’d been negotiating for about 3 months. Then the Malibu fires hit, followed by the rain and floods--and there went my grant. They called me and told me they needed to reduce the amount of my grant so that they could help more people affected by the fires. It was a devastating blow. A couple of other unforeseen hiccups and me being stretched so thin and not being able to push out more proposals left us at a point where we had to make a difficult decision to restructure in order to save the organization.

I was devastated. If I had just had 2 more years and if that money had just come through, I would have had enough cushion to step back and focus on diversifying my funding streams. But it didn’t pan out that way.

I stepped down so that my staff could continue to receive their paycheck. They were awesome and knew how to run the programs. My salary would help cover the rent and bills. I felt so badly about the situation, I felt it was the right thing to do. My staff didn’t seem to understand. They didn’t speak to me after that. It was all bad.

Fast forward to 2018, and I’ve learned so much. First, that I was in an impossible situation. The organization wasn’t set up for long-term sustainability. It ran primarily on grants (mistake #1), no organization can sustain itself on one or two streams of revenue. Second, the board was not a fundraising board, which put the onus of fundraising on me. I was managing the day-to-day operations and engaging collaborators to garner fee-for-service revenue . . . it was just too much for one person.

It’s from that knowing, from that experience as an overwhelmed, albeit badass and extremely committed, Executive Director that I do what I do. Because I know the Struggle is Real. I know you look at your clients and see how much they need you, the difference you make just by being there. My girls were amazing, powerful forces of nature. I stayed late and returned early because they needed Girls Inc. so I get commitment.

But here’s the thing . . . You can’t kill yourself trying to help others. And here’s the other thing, you don’t have to. You don’t have to deplete  your life savings to successfully run a public charity.

What I didn’t know then was that the nonprofit structure has been designed so that it can be self-sustaining. I just didn’t know what that structure was. So now I’m screaming from the top of the mountain, sharing all that I’ve learned in my various roles, so we don’t find any other Executive Director passed out in their office from exhaustion.

There is a formula, a pathway, a right way to go about running a nonprofit organization. Once you understand that, it makes life so much easier. They are things I wish someone had shared with me. Direction. Insight. Shortcuts. TRUTH.

I will share my knowledge, experience, and successes as a grant writer, program developer, executive director, board member and program officer (funder) to help you set up your organization for long-term funding and sustainability.

I get you. And I gotchu!